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After coming out, I was surprised to learn that my fat, fem, dark-skinned South Asian body was not accepted by the gay men I met. I'm still learning to love myself.
As one of the many queer people who came out in 2020 during the COVID-19 lockdowns, I'm still modern to the world of dating and having sex with gay men.
But I quickly became familiar with gay hookup culture: using Grindr to connect with men near me and inviting them over without even knowing their names. I naively thought that since I had met a decent number of men who had set up me sexually desirable, I could meet others who would consider me appealing enough to date. I was wrong.
Instead, I create that as a overweight, feminine South Asian dude with dark skin, I was largely ignored by my peers.
At first, I thought hooking up regularly with men meant they would want to meet me
It took me some time to realize that most of the people I met on Grindr did not identify as gay. They are the ones who identify as "down low" or "discreet." They're the ones who are closeted and ended up in an arranged marriage due to family pressure, or they're the ones who are happily married to a gal but want some joy on the
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